I’m arrested by the consciousness I have to my own subconscious; in a permanent state of confusion on what is real and what presents itself as a half-memory, an interpretation of conflict. A staged feeling of how I should have behaved in an unknown moment in time.
I care about everything and nothing at the same time.
I’m looking for something which doesn’t exist. A feeling that’s never been felt. A dream that’s never been dreamt. A person I’ll never see. I’m looking for someone I can’t ever be, and the disappointment I have is palpable; and yet I know you’re there too, searching for me. And so we will never meet.
I resent telling you I love you, just so I can hear you say it back.
I miss all of the adventures I never had.
I hate you.
I’m sorry that I love you so much.
If you treat me like an idiot don’t be surprised when I act like a fool.
I wasn’t meant to be with the love of my life.
I don’t know how to not lie to you.